Belgium

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Belgium is a virtual western European country written on paper, that is supposed to lie between France, Holland and Germany. The most inhabitants are former employees of the bowler hat export company Belgium & co, that existed until 1939. The bankrupcy led to a flee of millions of people. Since then the area (there are no boundaries) has more or less been under control by the French, Dutch and German governments. The governments are still hopelessly trying to form a new Belgian government and create a Belgian state, because they actually don't know what to do with the area.

History[edit]

The company[edit]

The "country" was founded in 1830 as a bowler hat exporting company and René Magritte became the first chief. The staff had always been French and was led by famous persons like Hercule Poirot. The decades after, the organisation grew larger and decided to employ many southern Dutch hard-workers (the company didn't like its own people - the French - because they were too lazy). The last years of the 19th century, the company found Congo to be a nice place to exploit. Beside the bowler hats, they began trading new products: rubber and chocolate. Despite the distance they didn't need to invest much money in Congo, because they used the black people as slaves. The English became jealous on the upcoming concurrent and they managed to sabotage the Belgian trading routes by rattening the Belgian SABENA airline. The black slaves were promised a second life in America and Britain's takeover was complete. From then on Belgium & co had to rely on its first product: the bowler hat. The losses were dramatical and there were rumours the company wouldn't last for a long time.

The bowler hats were popular and very common until the Second World War. Then, almost everyone of the middle class became poverty-stricken. As a result of that, the bowler hat company collapsed. The bankrupt declared Belgium & co didn't decide to find new economic resources and had to fire all its employees. A large number of the employees had to go working for the Nazis, but the majority of them were left to fend for themselves. After the Germans were defeated, a huge question about their fate raised between the Dutch and the French. The Dutch claimed the company's property along with its public housings had to join Holland, because the most people spoke Dutch. The small group of French former employees didn't agree and received political support of the French government. The German government didn't care, because they already began deploying their own Wirtschaftswunder in the early fifties. So the main conflict happened between the Dutch and the French and the main task was to find a reasonable solution for both parts.

The French Fries war[edit]

After a constant period of disagreement, the conflict escalated in a war in the late seventies. That war is called the French Fries War: on the one hand the Dutch stating that the Fries are not French, and on the other hand the French claiming that the Dutch didn't gave them enough rights. In the eigthies, a plan was worked out to divide the Belgian property in three parts: a part of nothern France would become Wallonia, the Dutch city of Brussels (where the property of Belgium & co was situated) would be a neutral city-state and a large pieceof southern Holland would become Flanders. Those three parts would result in kind of united states of Belgium. The plan has never been ratified, so therefore the country Belgium is a joke and the area is still disputed territory. Newspapers and several media still use the name Belgium, Wallonia and Flanders and their derivals, just to make differences between the Dutch Belgians and the other Dutch and between the French Belgians and the other French. So do we too.

The French Fries war in other languages:

  • Dutch: de Frietoorlog
  • French: la guerre des pommes frites
  • German: der Pommeskrieg
  • Portuguese: guerra das batatas fritas
  • Spanish: Tomatina Patatina or guerra de las patatas fritas
  • Galician: guerra das patacas fritas

The Blackberry period[edit]

Also known as the "Twitter Era". This is a period in which the former self-proclaimed Belgian prime ministre Yves Leterme (a Flemming) tries to re-unite the Belgian parts under one single roof. As the different country parts do not want to work nor speak together, the prime minister had found a way to communicate through a more trendy way: Twitter. From then on, all discussion would take place on the screen of his Blackberry.

See also[edit]