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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cheerleader.

Cheerleader fails-05.jpg

The cheerleader is a subhuman species among the Homo sapiens simply called Homo textus originating back in the late 1970's perhaps due to something Richard Nixon ate for breakfast. They are known for an extremely small attention span, bladders the sign of Keith Olbermann's brain, and way of standing on each other and calling it a "sport". It seems soooo many loser guys want them and idiotic freaks get them for... 3 days. It is also known that they are a part of an evil communist conspiracy.


In his book, Communist Manifesto, Karl Marx stated that in order to bring a classless society, one must distract the young men from fighting. Once this has been accomplished, one could take over a nation and bring a mass redistribution of wealth overnight. Marx used the subhuman species of cheerleader to accomplish this lofty goal. History records that Vladimir Lenin used Russian cheerleaders to found Soviet Russia, by using them to stealthily seduce the freedom fighters at the time.

Modern Cheerleaders[change]

The aforementioned historical facts were true.[1] So, the modern cheerleader exists in the high schools and colleges of the United States and those other subnations. They are known and can be identified by: not having an attention span; congregating in restrooms rather than churches[2]; do some "sport" involving them doing crap like standing on each other; losers falling for them and whatnot[3]; athletes and 4 IQ people doing crap. The cheerleader has made so many advances in the algebraic field by such intelligence as "X+Y=Oh, my God!" These men who would otherwise foil the evil communist plans of Barack HUSSEIN Obama are being distracted in the mindless pursuit of trying to win the souless hearts of these psuedoathletic brainless airheaded anorexic eeeeeeeeeevil masterminds! What? They took over the White House and are partying it up with athletic Satanist dudes? WHAT??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? THERE'S A TACO ON MY LAWN???????????????????? JUST SCREW IT, SCREW IT!



  1. Not really. I failed history in high school and college.
  2. Or mosques
  3. Seriously. Otherwise intelligent-seeming people fall for these brainless airheads part of a communist conspiracy