Heaven

From Uncyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

Heaven (short for the Kingdom of Heaven) is God's country in the sky. Guess what rain is? No, it's not tears or sweat. Keep guessing.

God is the king of Heaven. He can't go to Hell because no one may punish a head of state. But one time God went to Earth dressed as a man. People killed him because no one knew He was a king. Since then God has stayed in Heaven. He doesn't talk to anyone anymore. Many believe He hates humans.

Heaven is surrounded by gates. A man named Saint Peter guards them. He tells jokes to people who try to come in. Everyone hates Saint Peter, but no one will admit it.

Satan used to live in Heaven. He did not pay rent for a hundred years, so God kicked him out. Now Satan is the prince of two kingdoms, Hell and Darkness. No one knows where Darkness is. Some believe it is right below Hell. Others believe it is Earth. Still others think it is not a real place. These evil people must be stopped at all costs.