Hebrew

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Hebrew was the first language. Adam and Eve spoke it in the Garden of Eden. For a long time, the whole world spoke it, until one day, God decided to make everyone speak different languages. But the stubborn Jews kept speaking it anyway.

From then on, Hebrew was a language that only Jews spoke. But then a hipster named Jesus decided Judaism was cool. The Romans all started learning it and badly translating it into Latin and Greek. Now everyone claims Hebrew as their language again, from the Americas to Afghanistan. They always explain to Jews why they don't really understand Hebrew, even when the Jews never asked.

How to speak Hebrew[change]

If a baby isn't taught a language, it will grow up speaking Hebrew, and it will try to invade Palestine. Please teach your baby a language.