Jurassic Park

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“I promise that every family making less than $250,000 a year will not see their taxes drop one cent, and chances are I will raise them.”

~ Stegosaurus Obama on Jurassic Park

“Never will there be a motion picture based on my country, or you can bury me alive!”

~ Raptor Windberg on Tacos

“Here's a shovel!”

~ Steven Spielberg on Crap

“DO'H!”

~ Homer Simpson on something

“Fossilzed mosquitoes? That's a big load of hooey. How about some mouthwatering carbon, everyone?”

~ Benito Mussolini on Me

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CHAOS THEORY! DINOSAURS ARE RUNNING WILD! MAYBE DARWIN WAS RIGHT! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP! THEY'RE COMMIES, TOO!”

The People's Communist Republic of Jurassic Park is a state existing between Asia and Australia. It is known for a complete lack of evolution, and 4333% of its citizenry are dinosaurs. The remaining 3% are Homo sapiens and cats, that probably immigrated from Japan.

The People's Communist Republic of Jurassic Park
What a primitive nation!

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Motto: "Evolution is RETARDED!" (de facto)
Anthem: Jurassic Pride and Terror
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Capital Jurassic, D.C.
Largest city Crapaloni
Official languages English, Roar, Womainsh
Government Communist, Slapfest
National Hero(es) Groucho Marx, Jack Michaelson, Dr. Phil
Declaration
Currency Toilet Paper
Religion Christian atheism
  Population   255,552,555,255,258,258,858,588.2151505
  Area   56 in.2
  Population density   Nonexistant
  Ethnic groups   Dinosaurius, low amounts of Homo sapiens and Cats
  Major exports   Fear
  Major imports   Blod
  National animal   T-Rex
  Favourite
  pastime
  Eating humans
  Opening hours   Easter
  Internet TLD   .jurasprk
  Calling code   4656-33444-445

History[change]

Main Article: History of Jurassic Park

Prehistory[change]

Jurassic Park took place many billions of years ago. Dinosaurs populated the land, and such. Bill O'Reilly was the founder of Jurassic Park, as well as its lesser known cousin, Triassic Landfill. T-Rex took the reigns from O'Reilly in 4369060345890589034 B.C.O.P. After the Ice Age, all the creatures magically turned into something different.

Middle Ages[change]

Jurassic Park then skipped directly to the Middle Ages. Dinosaurs were extinct on the planet, except for the ugly ones living in Jurassic Park. At this time, Jurassic Park was a democracy. All free adult males with property could vote in general elections.

18th Century[change]

After skipping time again, Jurassic Park was colonized by Great Britain. King George taxed them to oblivion. The dinosaurs would have eaten them, but he had a gun. By 1779, Britain just gave them their independence since they were too busy fighting the Americans, since their land was more valuable.[1]

19th Century[change]

Even after the Industrial Revolution, they were still primitive. That's all.

WWII[change]

Although WWII had no direct effect in Jurassic Park, the citizens overthrew the Democratic Republic of the Jurassic Park and created the modern People's Communist Republic of Jurassic Park thanks to Marxist influence over there.

Politics[change]

Jurassic Park has an unelected Supreme leader who is currently Raptor Windberg. They also have a Mayor who has authority on some domestic policies such as taxes and peanut sweeping. Stegosaurus Obama currently holds this office. The Mayor is elected by all male dinosaurs with property.

Responsibilites of Supreme Leader[change]

  • Foreign policy
  • Reproduction
  • Lying
  • Propagating
  • Governing
  • Lying
  • Monkey dancing
  • Eating
  • Breathing
  • Sleeping
  • Lying
  • Anything else we missed
  • Lying

Responsibilities of Mayor[change]

  • Taxation
  • Peanut sweeping
  • Ballot counting
  • Truthing

Economy[change]

Jurassic Park's main exports include:

966% of Jurassic Park's GDP consists of government spending, waffle eating, and kitten huffing. No one knows why. Eat my shorts!

Footnotes[change]

  1. They still lost.