Pawn Stars

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This article is about the History Channel television show. For the 1980's punk band, please see Pawn Stars (Band).

Pawn Stars is an American television program airing on the History Channel invented by Chuck Norris inside of a toilet. It stars a sufferer of Premature Baldness Syndrome, Rick "Bigfoot" Harrison. Working for him is his great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, Richard "Tricky Dick" Harrison, son Corey "Hasselhoff" Harrison, Chumlee "Goku" Russel, and William "Broke" Greer. Executive Producer Bill Clinton calls the show "The worst since the Great Depression". It is a fake historical show set in a scammy[1] pawn shop in which acting "customers" try to sell and/or pawn their crap which they pretend has historical value.

History[change]

There is none on this show. All of the items are pure crap, and worse yet, they're fakes! Like when they had that military reciept from Andrew Jackson! I made that out of toilet paper and magic marker!

Characters[change]

They don't really run a pawn shop in Las Vegas! They're actors! Here is a description of each of their roles.

Rick "Bigfoot" Harrison[change]

He is the main pawnbroker in the series. He yells at customers for asking for fair prices on items and gives them squat for them. If they try to take their crap elsewhere, they are heavily fined with sanctions. And not with money. With blood.

Richard "Tricky Dick" Harrison[change]

He's the old man. He sits in his chair and reads.

Corey "Hasselhoff" Harrison[change]

The son of Rick. He likes tattoos and has them all over his body and in the air all around them. His mother was also one. He helps Rick and is destined to take over the Pawn Stars Dynasty once Rick is unable and the Old Man finally reads Green Eggs and Ham.

Chumlee "Goku" Russel[change]

The clinically sane of the group. He loves to eat and occasionally helps Rick and Corey, and helps the Old Man sound out words.

William What'shisface[change]

He's the janitor.

Reception[change]

It is the least popular show on the History Channel, and there's nothing they can do about it, except get a real job at a real pawn shop.

Footnotes[change]

  1. I don't care if I'm making up words!