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Politics is the study of screwing the working man over and getting blowjobs from your interns. It was invented in approx. 3800 by Super Moses with his unveiling of the Ten Commandments. It has become a study looked down upon by a vast majority of citizens of the world, due to its complex nature and its ability to sucker money from poor people and give it to Solyndra.

People who practice politics are called politicians, and people who do it for a living are called career politicians. People who make a lot of money doing it are called lobbyists.


Politics was created by Moses, in the tower of Babble. He wanted his posse of disgruntled Iraquis to get out of Egypt when Pharoah decided to work them all to death. He basically created the first political state. God did not want an earthly ruler for Iraq, so he decided to make them the outcast in a world full of idolatry, sodomy, fornication, and all those other fancy words teh Babble mentions. But, Iraq whined again and an earthly king was crowned. They went through a few. Solomon married a bunch of harlots, and David killed a big guy with a pebble. Quite nice picks.

Plato wrote some babblings about politics in some tract of his that basically said fancy dead people in wigs create the best governments. Stuff happened after that.

Enter John Locke, after many boring years of history, where the adorable failures of monarchy, absolute monarchy, and feudalism ran rampant. He said that government was a social contract. That the government only ruled with the consent of the governed. He wondered if someone would be dumb enough to try this before the king had them all drawn and quartered. Enter George Washington. He chopped the cherry tree, he could never tell a lie, and he had wooden teeth. He commanded the Continental Army and created Amerika after handing it to the British.

Politics Today[edit]

Politics today is mutual backscratching, with riders, favors, and blowjobs and Congressional Twittergates more rampant then ever before. People are paying for loans from China, and stuff is screwed up.