Sometime in the past

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Sometime in the past refers to events that are not located somewhere in the future, and also that were once belonging to the time-telling mechanism known as the present, but are no longer so.

List of events occuring sometime in the past[change]

  • Hitler kills Jews
  • George Dubya Bush steals the 2000 election
  • Peanut butter invented
  • The French go from human rights and democracy to bikinis as major accomplishments
  • Back to school commercials start airing in June
  • Churches start adopting the formerly Satanic holiday of Halloween
  • Santa Claus takes Jesus's job
  • Glenn Beck decides that liberals are responsible for everything that is wrong, blaming it largely on George Soros
  • Superman was grinded into ice cream
  • Sauerkraut was renamed liberty cabbage, German measles were renamed liberty measles, French fries were renamed freedom fries, French toast was renamed freedom toast, French onion soup was renamed freedom soup, and frankfurters were renamed hot dogs.
  • Jesus died on the cross.
  • John Calvin declared that salvation could be lost and an elite elect would go to heaven.
  • Alexander the Great lost
  • Christopher Columbus got dyslexic and found Amerika
  • Michael Jackson walked on the moon
  • Stalin finally stopped the Nazis and killed his own people
  • Bill O'Reilly paid some chick to stop a scandal
  • Taylor Swift decided to disgrace Tim McGraw
  • Lady Gaga normalized the wearing of meat
  • Andrew Schlafly created a safe haven for liberal trolls
  • Napoleon took over France
  • God saved the queen
  • The world ran out of lasagna thanks to Garfield

See also[change]