The Video Game Wars

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“See, it's articles like these that attribute to virginity still existing”

~ Jay Leno

“Mama mia! Sonic took away 5% of my audience!”

~ Mario

“Why, this must be a great thing, eh? A box that allows you to play sports without actually going outside! Brilliant!”

~ Jimmy Carter

The Video Game Wars are a complex series of advertising triumphs and flops that are over virtual images that can appear on one's television screen or other mechanism. These movements are often attributed to elves.

Video Game War I (1960-1974)[change]

Common belief is that Pong was the first game ever released, but this is nothing more than a mere misconception created by tyrants at Atari. The first video game was created by Dwight Eisenhower based on the Korean War in which stick figures kill each other while yelling "TAX EXEMPTION!". This game was quickly countered by a mother worried about game violence with a squeaky-clean rendition of Elvis Presley movies. This little-known video game war was referred to as the Cuban Missile Crisis for reasons still unknown.

Video Game War II (1977-1985)[change]

Enter Atari. A company who revolutionized the world by creating a virtual program that allowed two people to hit a square with a giant rectangle. This revolution was called Pong. Ataris 2600 and 5800 were popular, but the whereabouts of the other 5778 are unknown. Enter Mattel. The evul capitalists responsible for female anorexia via their Barbie dolls were creating the Intellevison because a bunch of useless images were "in your television"!