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Hello, America. Your humble corrospondent Glenn Beck reporting. See, an unknown menace in America's youth today is the eeeeeeeeeeeevil philosophy of tanning. You see, liberal Democrats who support the urges of young people to do the hell they wanna with their bodies 'cause it results to more babies support tanning 'cause it creates more babies out of wedlock so that Obama can give welfare to more single moms with good-for-nothing fathers who they thought they were in love with, and now sit home playing Halo. This menace adds an approximated $300 billion to the deficit each year, and is a basis of entitlement spending. But, we can stop them. Follow me.

History of Tanning[change]

In 1949, when Hawaii was admitted into the Union as the fiftieth state, a whole state of citizens were naturally tan, them other young people wanted to be, err... hot? Good night, America! See you Monday, teabaggers!