Jesus

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Pass the tequila and all will be forgiven.

Jesus Martínez Escudero Villanueva García Ramírez Arroyo López González is a used car salesman and world renowned part-time screenwriter and feature film director.

left at a hotel in Tijuana in 1961 and adopted to loving parents Mary (Maria de la Santa Cruz Rosalina Cuellar Rene Agnelia Rodriguez) and Joseph (José Alejandro Ramiro Placido Federico Eleodoro Xiomar), Jesus learned most as a student attending the Fernando Modesto Rigoberto Segundo Venturo Delmar Public School in Mexico City, Mexico.

His favourite car is the 1953 Cadillac Eldorado, which he only drives to church on Sundays.

Miracles[change]

Many times, Jesus has amazed people and film critics with strange magic:

  • He once turned 12 minutes of low-grade Super-8 film stock into 120 reels of 70mm film, which he used to create the comedy classic 7 mujeres, 1 homosexual y Carlos.
  • He cured a blind man near Jericho, by telling him to switch from rubbing alcohol to cheap wine.
  • He also brought Lazarus, the daughter of Jairus, and a young man from Nain back to life using only his lips, some jumper cables, and a car battery, after they'd partied with some guy from Jericho.
  • He drove seven demons out of Mary Magdalene by giving her a good flogging and an 8-week prescription of medicine.
  • He's also alleged to have turned some dirty pond water into Cerveza, and made tortillas fall from the sky.