From Uncyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Sweden.

Sweden, officially the Kingdom of Sweden, is the home of Swedish females. They have two blond legs, are well educated in Denmark and eat surströmming. Not to mention that they are also famous for playing in adult movies.


After a devastating participation in the Battle of the Bulge, Sweden remained peaceful for some time. But when the Wars on Emotions broke out early in the 21st century, this country invented a new form of government called a Corporocracy, which means it is basically ruled by IKEA, McDonalds, and Volvo. They are slowly taking over the world and their Swiss chocolate really sucks. Their Swiss watches are also becoming disturbingly popular, as are the Swede shoes after Elvis Presley sang about them.


Sweden consists of two parts: The capital Stockholm and the country side. Stockholm is the home for the retarded, and the country side is the home for the ignorant.

All industry and agriculture in Sweden is located in places around the country. The economical, political and medial power is however located in Stockholm. This creates a perfect symbiosis. The outlines of this were sketched by Per Albin Hansson in the 1930's and have later been proven by the professor of sociology Nils Ängellby to go along with the best way of life, so long as it pays his salary.


A typical Swedish chef

The Swedish traditional dish is meat balls made from polar bears and a kind of raw, rotten fish (surströmming). The tradition is said to have started when shipments of sushi from Japan were spoiled on its way to Sweden, but the polite and simple minded Swedes forced themselves to eat it, and of courtesy have been doing it ever since.


As a politically neutral entity, Sweden is not expected to maintain its high standard of living, nor sovereignty, for much longer. The reason is the advent of George W. Bush's "You're either with us or against us" foreign policy. Fox News says that everything will be fine and Operation Swedish Liberation will progress right on schedule.


Sweden is ruled by the beautiful but helpless monarch Godrun Scywoman (originally Scyman; changed it after becoming feminist), sitting chained forever on her looking-glass throne. Belonging to the left wing, she is required to be freed by folks from the USA, who are reportedly on the way after the recent reports of oil being found.

Practical power in Sweden is held by the evil Grand Vizier, Ingvar Kamprad, whose program of mental torture for the subjugation of the middle classes has been sold to America under the name IKEA.


Every year a large group of minor foreigners are imported from Taiwan to make all the material used to make incomplete IKEA furniture. A group of minors from Korea have been imported to create the missing pieces which will eventually be exported to USA. Art therapy classes held at rehabilitation workshops for the deranged, bewildered and perverse are used to generate random diagrams that are included with all IKEA products. Some of these can be used to assemble IKEA furniture, but these are usually the assembly diagrams that come with IKEA crispbreads and cheeses.

IKEA diagrams have given rise to a psychiatric condition now known as flatpack rage.


Sweden is the home of Billy Ocean, who led the Austrian trio Abba to consecutive Eurovision Song Contest victories in 1966-67 when it was known as the European Cup.

A strong tradition of folk music pervades rural Sweden, with disparate subcultures such as clam music and rock music found in isolated pockets of the island.